The Pursuit of Happiness

"Are you sad?"

S2 asked me this question during one of our numerous late night conversations. Have I never thought of the answer to this question? Ofcourse I have, numerous times in the past. Just that late night conversations have this thing about making you think more than what you normally would have.

In life, not everything goes your way. You plan & plot, dream & desire but not everything will happen as per your will. That’s a given. So for every individual, there are things they wish never happened or things they wish they never did, said or feel. I have had my share of such events too. They’ve made me sad, they’ve made me cry & they’ve made me question a lot of things. They’ve given me what one could call ‘a terrible patch’ in life. For me, two events standout and tower over everything else.

One event, I had no control over. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t have done anything. Even if I want to, I can’t blame anyone, for there’s no one to blame. It’s a loss I feel deeply, even though it’s almost a year. It shook me, made me go numb and made me emit a silent cry. I had never felt something like this and I do imagine what it would have been like had it never happened, and that, makes me smile. Cause it makes me think of the times that could have been, the joy that I could have brought, the moments that I could have shared. I know that will never be the case, so all I can do is lament the loss.

The other event, was my fault. I was the one who screwed up something beautiful. It was built up pressure that chose to find its outlet by way of this event. It’s been a while now and I still feel the void and I still have not figured out if I’m ever going to be able to fill that void. If nothing, it is teaching me the power of hope and patience because I like to believe that it’s never too late.

Do these incidences mean I’m perennially sad? No. Life teaches you this amazing quality of moving on. Not moving on in the truest sense, but learning to be happy in spite of all those setbacks. No doubt, we continue to lament & we continue to give those “What Ifs” a lot of importance. Cause it’s those “What Ifs” that make us dream of the possibilities that those events held had they not turned out that way.

Do those events only bring me sadness and make me morose? Hell no! Before these things happened, I have felt SO much happiness, joy, delight that I’ve felt blessed! They were a source of so many good memories, so many things that moulded me into the person I am and the individual that I will be. I feel blessed! That is why, every morning, before I leave my building I have a quick one-on-one with God (for me, he’s my buddy whom I talk to whenever I want to & not just another stone idol) and thank Him for everything awesome in my life & sneak in a “Please help me with this & that” and off I go.

Some days have this quality of making you feel that even when things aren’t entirely going your way, they will eventually work out & just nothing will go wrong that day. No wonder, some days when you feel the pleasant sun rays and not find them harsh, when you notice the dew drops & murmur with delight about that pleasant nip in the air, you are perky cause there’s this something about a day that makes you feel that everything is gonna be okay and that the day will be perfect. And that is when you begin to hum that happy tune, have a big smile on your face for everyone you meet and a spring in your step wherever you go. And that, is how you learn to make being happy a habit and spread happiness.

Don't I sound like one preachy old woman now? :D

 

Mood : Introspective

Humming : When you're happy and you know it clap your hands :D

Real life Fairytale :)

Humans and ‘firsts’ have this special connection. Even the most random ‘first’ can make you insanely happy, even if it’s not really about you. Today was one of those days that made me re-realise just why I’m so crazy about surprises. Life throws surprises at random, good & bad & you rediscover emotions. Today was one of those days.

 I come home from class with a hilarious expression on my face (that was thanks to the insane conversation I had with Rich, Swap & Guru Ma just after class but that’s another story) and Mumma says,

“T Bhai got engaged!”

I literally went “ WHAAAAAAT???” and then followed it up with a barrage of questions, “When? To whom? Who told you?? ”

So its official, T Bhai & Niki Didi are engaged. They’re about to tie the knot. And I cant stop grinning with a goofy smile pasted on my face.

THEY.ARE.GETTING.MARRIED.

Whoa, that felt like a lot to process. After all, it’s not everyday that someone you’ve known almost all your life gets married to a person whom you’ve also known almost all your life! And when they decide to take the plunge it feels insanely wow-ish + weird to imagine them as husband & wife. If they would’ve been in front of me right now, I’d have probably stared at them with wide eyes. Along with all the happiness I’m also finding it funny! That’s what one would call a gamut of emotions in the truest sense. :P

Both of them, T Bhai & Niki Didi were my seniors at school. While I knew T Bhai right from the time I was little (He’s P’s elder brother & was pretty much one for me. P is the drummer boy), Niki Didi was someone I started interacting with more in the final years of school.

T Bhai is the same guy P & I used to run behind. When he asked P & me to find him a pen & I did it before P, P sulked & I was overjoyed cause hey! T bhai was happy!  When I was going to P’s place to play, Mumma had told P & me to play outside & not disturb T bhai cause he had his boards. T bhai played cricket with us instead. He taught me how to play with those tazos we got with packets of Lays. I remember him as the narrator in a play at our school annual day, I was enamoured by the way he spoke. I remember being in awe of him when he marched during his Investiture ceremony. I faintly remember riding pillion on his bike. I remember sneaking into his room to lay my hands on his guitar. I remember watching him, Tush Bhaiya & Am Bhaiya joke around with Charles Sir. I remember sitting around with Aunty, Uncle, Bhai & P, just talking to them. When we had our school reunion, I remember all of us juniors remarking on how he looked so dashing. And of course the small speech he gave for Principal Sirs farewell blew everyone away & brought nostalgic tears to their eyes.  He always treated me as his lil sister and I used to love it. And the same T bhai is getting married. Wooooo. :D

Niki Didi. I haven’t known her for as long or as closely as I knew T bhai but I grew closer to her when we worked for our school reunion, Blitz. I was only in 11^th then & I was the kid in the group, taken care of, even pampered. I remember watching her play matches for the Saffron House (our arch rivals) but that was about it. She was the one who told me how she remembered Mumma coming to drop me everyday & how I used to always run around with those two cute pigtails (those were her words). During Blitz we got talking & I became fond of her. For her too I became the kid sis. I bonded with her during our Water Kingdom trip & she was one senior who kept in touch as much as I did. Aaaa she’s getting married!!!!

Its funny how alllll these long forgotten memories are just coming rushing back. Connecting the memories and this outcome, they make me go awww. Yuss. Two of my seniors from school are getting married and I find that VERY cool! Its like my version of real life fairy tale :D

So now that it’s official, I wonder. I can’t call both of them Bhai & Didi respectively. What should I do? Call him Jiju or call her Bhabhi? ;)