The Pursuit of Happiness

"Are you sad?"

S2 asked me this question during one of our numerous late night conversations. Have I never thought of the answer to this question? Ofcourse I have, numerous times in the past. Just that late night conversations have this thing about making you think more than what you normally would have.

In life, not everything goes your way. You plan & plot, dream & desire but not everything will happen as per your will. That’s a given. So for every individual, there are things they wish never happened or things they wish they never did, said or feel. I have had my share of such events too. They’ve made me sad, they’ve made me cry & they’ve made me question a lot of things. They’ve given me what one could call ‘a terrible patch’ in life. For me, two events standout and tower over everything else.

One event, I had no control over. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t have done anything. Even if I want to, I can’t blame anyone, for there’s no one to blame. It’s a loss I feel deeply, even though it’s almost a year. It shook me, made me go numb and made me emit a silent cry. I had never felt something like this and I do imagine what it would have been like had it never happened, and that, makes me smile. Cause it makes me think of the times that could have been, the joy that I could have brought, the moments that I could have shared. I know that will never be the case, so all I can do is lament the loss.

The other event, was my fault. I was the one who screwed up something beautiful. It was built up pressure that chose to find its outlet by way of this event. It’s been a while now and I still feel the void and I still have not figured out if I’m ever going to be able to fill that void. If nothing, it is teaching me the power of hope and patience because I like to believe that it’s never too late.

Do these incidences mean I’m perennially sad? No. Life teaches you this amazing quality of moving on. Not moving on in the truest sense, but learning to be happy in spite of all those setbacks. No doubt, we continue to lament & we continue to give those “What Ifs” a lot of importance. Cause it’s those “What Ifs” that make us dream of the possibilities that those events held had they not turned out that way.

Do those events only bring me sadness and make me morose? Hell no! Before these things happened, I have felt SO much happiness, joy, delight that I’ve felt blessed! They were a source of so many good memories, so many things that moulded me into the person I am and the individual that I will be. I feel blessed! That is why, every morning, before I leave my building I have a quick one-on-one with God (for me, he’s my buddy whom I talk to whenever I want to & not just another stone idol) and thank Him for everything awesome in my life & sneak in a “Please help me with this & that” and off I go.

Some days have this quality of making you feel that even when things aren’t entirely going your way, they will eventually work out & just nothing will go wrong that day. No wonder, some days when you feel the pleasant sun rays and not find them harsh, when you notice the dew drops & murmur with delight about that pleasant nip in the air, you are perky cause there’s this something about a day that makes you feel that everything is gonna be okay and that the day will be perfect. And that is when you begin to hum that happy tune, have a big smile on your face for everyone you meet and a spring in your step wherever you go. And that, is how you learn to make being happy a habit and spread happiness.

Don't I sound like one preachy old woman now? :D

 

Mood : Introspective

Humming : When you're happy and you know it clap your hands :D